Ch.7 Radical Acceptance Pt. 6 -Using Fear To Fuel Wise Action

“If you are tired, keep going. If you are scared, keep going. If you are hungry, keep going. If you want to taste freedom, keep going.” – Harriet Tubman

About twelve weeks into my twin pregnancy, I was told that one of my boys had a strong chance of not surviving due to an abnormality called a velamentous cord insertion (VCI). This essentially means his umbilical cord did not attach to the placenta correctly, and would have a difficult time accessing vital nutrients necessary for life. As we started getting more regular scans – it was clear that the twin with VCI was much smaller than his brother. He was struggling to thrive. At twelve weeks pregnant, I was incredibly nauseous, losing weight, and exhausted. Now I was also terrified one of my boys wouldn’t make it. I felt powerless and paralyzed. None of the usual ways I would avoid or suppress were options. I wasn’t allowed to run or compulsively exercise. I hadn’t drank or used substances in years. Life was forcing me to face fear head on.

One day, alone in our tiny rental home in Redlands, CA, I called my older brother Dave. As soon as I opened my mouth, the tears started flowing. I was 31 years old, and I could count on one hand the number of times I had allowed myself to shed tears in front of another human as an adolescent or adult. Embarrassment and shame washed over me. I loathed that my brother was witnessing this degree of vulnerability.

He listened with such compassion and love, effortlessly normalizing what I was feeling, and encouraging me to allow the tears to flow. He told me it was okay to be afraid. He saw me and embraced me. At the very end of our conversation, he gently told me about a book he leaned on in the early days of his deployment in Afghanistan several years prior. Several days later, this book was on my doorstep. Initially very cautious and skeptical because of the strong Christian undertones (I am not at all opposed to Christianity, however I am strongly opposed to white Christian nationalism, and groups of people who create their own interpretations of the Bible to justify oppressing and demonizing others), I quickly immersed myself and found Lucado’s message in Fearless incredibly comforting. Specifics around the content of this book escape me, but I do very clearly remember the cover – a bright blue photo of a child jumping gleefully into a pool – and his discussion about understanding fear as a perceived lack of control. There are situations and circumstances we face in life we simply cannot control, and there are also situations and circumstance we can. In paralyzing fear, we forget this. Everything seems out of control, we feel completely powerless. In pausing & collecting ourselves, we begin to see clearly where we can take action. At this moment, I had a choice. I could let my fear overtake me, or I could trust the universe had a larger plan at play(even if I didn’t know what that plan was), and take every action possible to ensure the health of my boys.

Very soon after this, around 16 weeks pregnant, I was forced to go on modified bedrest due to signs of preterm labor. Throwing myself into work had been my last grasp at avoiding the fear, and the universe wasn’t going to allow it. Looking back, I am so grateful this occurred, because it allowed me to shift my focus from from full time therapist in the unbearable heat of Palm Springs to full time double baby grower & Mom to an almost two year old (who thank goodness was in childcare at this time). I went full throttle researching ways to combat the nutrition deficiency from the VCI. I found out that eating copious amounts of protein and staying hydrated was paramount. 200mg protein a day was my goal, and I was able to hit that mark by mastering the art of shake making. Living within five miles of In ‘N Out Burger also assisted. After that, my priority was resting, watching the entire series of Brothers and Sisters, and getting gentle exercise in the pool at Loma Linda University’s Center.

Fear still surfaced, and I would allow myself to feel it, but the resolve to grow my babies was stronger than the fear. At each scan, both babies were growing steadily, and the baby with the VCI started to catch up with his brother. At 29 weeks, I went into the hospital as signs of preterm labor resurfaced. My monster protein shakes and burgers were replaced with Ensure and hospital food, but the boys continued to grow. They arrived at 32 weeks and 6 days, and are now nine years old and incredibly healthy.

The fear I had was real; I could have lost one of my boys. But the the environment was ripe for me to commune with the fear versus running from it – something I had done my entire life. I couldn’t drink booze, I couldn’t use substances, I couldn’t compulsively exercise, and I couldn’t immerse myself in work. Opening up to my brother Dave that day was the start my story shifting. By allowing myself to be vulnerable, letting my walls down, and sharing what I was afraid of, I allowed another human to truly see me – not the armored version of myself that had developed over the decades. I was no longer alone in what I was experiencing. Someone knew, they loved me, and didn’t make me feel shame for what I was experiencing. Equally important was that my brother was able to truly listen, be compassionate, normalize, and make a gentle suggestion that very much changed the course of my pregnancy. This kind of human connection was and continues to be an incredibly important in reconfiguring my relationship with fear. What also occurred during this period of time was I reconnected with my physical body for the first time in years. My fear propelled me to take wise action, and this included fueling my body in a very specific way, listening to it, and allowing it to rest. I was off the hamster wheel, and back to living like a human and not a machine.

Through the work I have done in my own personal healing, I can understand why I had to shut down emotions like sadness, fear, and anger very early on in my life. As a child, when I allowed these kind of emotions to surface, I was met with all kinds of responses signaling it was not okay or safe for me to show my sadness, fear, or anger. That I was “bad” for feeling these deeply human emotions. These signals included being ignored, dismissed, being told I was “selfish”, “ungrateful” or “overreacting.” The most difficult signal was being met with anger. Immediate deflection of the emotions I was trying to share, and instant shifting into yelling and screaming about the various ways I was causing the adult more pain than what I “thought” I was experiencing. The stomping around the house, slamming of doors, faces red with rage. I now know that children who experienced what I experienced – and for such a prolonged period of time – suffer a kind of soul death. Part of me died and remained dead for decades.

While true and intense healing did not really begin until I was 40 years old, there were moments along the way that planted seeds of what was possible. Moments that reminded me the love I so desperately sought from my attachment figure years prior was always there for me if I allowed myself to open up again. I didn’t need to live in constant fear of being rejected by those I love. It was safe to be vulnerable. There was another way to live. My brother sitting with me in my pain was one of these pivotal moments – even if I couldn’t see it at the time. Authentic, non transactional human connection, welcoming all of my emotions, unconditionally loving and accepting myself, uncovering deeply buried and beautiful parts of who I always was, suturing up the wounds so they could begin to heal and scar. Waking up and realizing how much goodness has always been around me – especially in the most intense moments of fear – has been a critical part of coming alive again.

The Fear We Are Currently Facing

Folks have a lot of reasons to be afraid right now. We get into trouble, however, when this fear paralyzes us for extended periods of time and cuts us off from ourselves and others. We are not powerless. There are steps we can take to move from paralyzing fear to fear that fuels wise action. Radical Acceptance Chapter 7 is titled “Opening Our Heart in the Face of Fear” and explores the various ways we can move out of the numbing that often accompanies the universal experience of fear.

Below is a not even close to comprehensive list of fears I have heard in conversation personally and professionally since January.

Fear of retribution if they speak up publicly regarding the actions/behaviors/patterns of the current administration.
Fear of losing their federal job.
Fear of having to sign a “loyalty pledge” to maintain their job in the federal government.
Fear of losing access to contraception.
Fear of not being able to get legally married to their partner or stay legally married to their partner.
Fear of not being able to move forward with transitioning surgically and pharmaceutically.
Fear of having a complaint made on their professional license if they post something on social media that is in anyway opposed to the current administration.
Fear of being retaliated against or targeted if “I am not partnered up or married” (this is from a woman of childbearing age).
Fear of being retaliated against or targeted if “I choose not to have children “(this is from a woman of childbearing age).
Fear of having their psychiatric medications taken away or their children’s psychiatric medications taken away.
Fear of being enslaved.
Fear of concentration camps emerging.
Fear of losing voting rights.
Fear of submitting work (federal employee) that accidentally uses a term or phrase that is not allowed to be used and being fired for this.
Fear of another pandemic or outbreak.
Fear of doing or saying something at their public school job that gets reported to this registry and they get fired.
Fear that the US will isolate itself from long time global allies, and align itself with dictatorships like Russia.
Fear of not being able to pay the bills due to rising costs from growing interest rates and tariffs.
Fear of losing health insurance and public assistance (Medicaid cuts).
Fear that major decisions impacting healthcare, education, public health, etc. will no longer be based in research and science but based in current belief system causing fatal and systemic consequences.
Fear of increasing death rates, humanitarian crisis, and global conflict in countries where the US has recently pulled assistance and funding.
Fear of climate change being ignored, and forest fires, hurricanes, flooding, etc. growing increasingly out of control.

Fear & The Trance of Fear

The basic function of fear is to assure survival; it’s primal. When we are in fear, our body responds. The larger the fear (or threat), the more noticeable our body response will be. This is important because noticing our body will be the first step in recognizing when we are in a state of fear.

“As the affect of fear arises, the chemistry of the body and the nervous system shifts in ways that enable several distinct responses to threatening situations”(Brach p.159).

We can think of all the different ways humans and animals respond to threats in their environments. Heart rate increases to prepare us physical exertion. Blood pressure increases to help us survive a stressful situation. Muscle tone increases to help us survive a stressful situation and prepare to protect ourselves. The body releases a variety of hormones to help the help us survive a stressful situation. These hormones released can lead to immunosuppression, muscle wasting, impaired cognitive functions (feel foggy or hyper focused), changes in metabolism, cardiovascular issues, reproductive problems (loss of menstrual cycle, reduction in sperm count), and an increase to susceptibility to disease and illness if fear (stress) is chronic or too intense. Behaviorally, when in fear, we may pace, tremble, avoid/hide, get aggressive, physically make ourselves smaller or larger (think changes in posture).

When fear takes us over to the point where we get stuck in it, we are call this the “trance” of fear. In this trance, we may perceive a threat – usually due to our unique history and experiences – but there is no immediate threat. A good example of this is an individual who has lived in a war zone. When they hear fireworks, they aren’t hearing 4th of July fireworks. They are hearing and experiencing artillery explosions. Their body responds physiologically, feel intense terror, and run to shelter. Another, less extreme example, may be if we have a boss who tends to get quiet when they are under a lot of stress. If we had a parent that regularly used the silent treatment, we are not seeing a boss that is quiet because they are stressed. We are seeing a parent who is upset at us for some reason, and we need to walk on eggshells to regain their approval. Our anxiety may increase, and we may even start calling off sick from work.

If we experienced prolonged trauma at any in points in our lives – CTPSD/Relational or Single Incident Traumas – and we didn’t get the support we needed after these experiences – the messages and beliefs that got stuck in our subconscious as a result of these experiences – can cause fear to become a defining part of our who we are. If fear is a central part of who we are, we must make ourselves incredibly small to just get through the day and survive a constant series of perceived threats. We become small by shrinking our personalities and adjusting our physical posture so we aren’t as noticeable. We become a scared child. The world around us becomes incredibly small as we isolate, avoid intimacy and vulnerability, and maintain social connections that are surface level at best. We experience a general distrust of others and maybe even ourselves. We get cutoff from the beauty and fullness of life.

“When the emotion of fear becomes the core of our identity and constricts our capacity to live fully”(Brach p.164).

When fear becomes a core part of our identity, we don’t just store it in our minds as subconscious beliefs and messages about ourselves and others. Fear literally gets stored in our physical body. Usually through constriction of muscles, tightness in the shoulders and upper back, head thrust forward, back hunched, chest shrunken: a literal coat of armor. This is where I give another shameless plug for the work of Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk, especially his book The Body Keeps the Score. If you can’t purchase the book, this video is a wonderful alternative.

“Othering” & The Illusion of Control

As fear becomes a core part of our identify and we increasingly isolate from the world around us, it becomes easy to both blame ourselves and others for problems we face. For the purposes of our discussion around politics, we will be focusing on this perpetual blaming of others. By identifying one individual or a group of people for incredibly complex, generational problems (like patriarchy, colonialism, imperialism) we lean on a dangerous illusion that we can control systems that we cannot control. We can take incredibly intelligent and effective steps to dismantle these systems, but we cannot control them.

Let’s use the example of the decades long opioid crisis in our country. For years, the strategy by U.S. government and politicians has been to blame the crisis on the influx of fentanyl, pharmaceutical companies, and the overprescribing of narcotic pain medications. While these factors are incredibly important, they are merely symptoms of much larger, more complex issues that no one wants to acknowledge. Systemic racism, generational trauma & poverty, mass incarceration, the “war on drugs”, patriarchy, how our society views and treats emotional and physical pain as something to silence and anesthetize. Pain, in any form, gets in the way of our ability as a society to produce. There is simply no room for it.

When our country faces complex and painful problems, we point the finger. Individually and collectively, our country does not have the humility necessary to engage in the intelligent, consistent, and strenuous hard work of educating ourselves, looking honestly at our history, listening, introspecting, and connecting with others.

By labeling others as the “cause” of problems, or grossly oversimplifying complex problems our country faces, we are sourcing subconscious stories and beliefs that are distorted. This pattern – using faulty information based on trance and unresolved trauma – and pointing the finger at others as the “problem” – only perpetuates pain by cutting us off from truly seeing and connecting to the goodness of those around us. This is where we see the emergence of deep divisions in humanity; movements to exterminate or expel entire communities, movements, cultures, races, and belief systems. This is where we see blatantly false narratives and gaslighting.

We perpetuate this trance when we continually employ strategies to avoid fear. We might lie, boast, inflate, dodge uncomfortable situations and conversations, not take risks, isolate. We threaten, lie, intimidate, bully, create smokescreens, and terrorize. Again, our world becomes small. All interactions with other humans become about us. What are we going to get? How are others going to perceive us? We simply cannot see the person across from us, we cannot see humanity in complex issues, we get cutoff from our own souls, and we cannot truly listen to understand.

“We might be having lunch with a friend or talking with a colleague at work, but their concerns and successes are outside the field of what really matters to us. Rather, we relate to them in terms of how they affect our level of fear. Is there something they have to offer – reassurance, comfort, company – that might relieve us? Do they make us feel worse about ourselves? Do they see we are afraid? Are we safe with them? Whave live in our own little endangered world”(Brach p. 163).

Where was this passage when we were discussing the interaction with Zelensky, Trump, and Vance last week? This interaction perfectly illustrated, among many other difficult truths, a complete inability of Trump and Vance to listen to another human being due to utter preoccupation with themselves. Trump and Vance were responding from a child state, and an “accumulation of past pain” and their reactions were WAY out of proportion to what was happening in the present moment.

“When someone criticizes us us or disapproves of us, we get thrown back in time and have no access to our adult understanding. We feel as if we were a child who is powerless, alone, and afraid” (Brach p.163).

The trance of fear (including the armor) develops and grabs hold for so many different reasons, and most of them are (not surprisingly) related to early life experiences.

“Feelings and stories of unworthiness and shame are perhaps the most binding element of the trance of fear. We we believe something is wrong with us, we are convinced we are in danger. Our shame fuels ongoing fear, and our fear fuels more shame. The very fact that we feel fear seems to prove that we are broken and incapable. When we are trapped in a trance, being fearful and bad seems to define who we are. The anxiety in our body, the stories, the ways we make excuses, withdraw or lash out – these become to us the self that is most real” (p.162).

We can only break from this trance by doing the very thing that many of us avoid, and don’t even know it. Genuine and authentic connection with ourselves and others; engaging in the hard and consistent work of educating ourselves, introspecting, and identifying our individual and collective wounds and making the conscious and consistent decision to heal.

Reconnection and Refuge

How do we reconnect with ourselves and how do we reconnect with others in the face of fear? This is a daunting task for those of us who have felt cut off for so long – maybe even our entire lives.

Here are some actionable steps you can take to reconnect with yourself:

Start by opening up with a professional. I recommend a therapist, psychologist, life coach, etc. These are individuals who are trained to be non judgmental, unconditionally supportive, and are wonderful listeners. Federal law mandates (with the exceptions of child abuse/neglect, self harm, harm to others) confidentiality, so anything you say to these individuals remains confidential.
Journaling. Writing down stories, thoughts, fears, ideas, and beliefs is a form or reconnecting with ourselves. Simply putting words to paper provides a sense of relief and release. After we get into the rhythym of journaling more regularly, we start to identify rhythms and patterns, and lost parts of who we are re-emerge.
Meditation. Set aside ten minutes (ideally in the morning), turn off all distractions, and engage in a guided meditation or self meditation using whatever practice you connect with. I recently added a new resource page listing the meditation practice I follow from Pema Chodron.
Identify a being or presence that you believe cares about your suffering, and connect with this being or presence on a daily basis. Ideas include Buddha, Nature, Mother Nature, Spirit, Space, Mary Mother of Jesus, The Black Madonna, Lovingkindness. Connection can occur through prayer, rituals (lighting a candle, burning incense, chanting, etc.)
Identify ways to reconnect to the natural rhythms of life; reminders that life is constantly changing, cycles of death and rebirth. Often some of the best ways of doing this is by being outside in nature. Leaves falling from trees. Daffodils and tree buds emerging in the spring. Rivers and streams flowing effortlessly. Clouds passing in the sky. Nature is the best reminder that life is constantly changing. The more we embrace this, the less fear we hold onto regarding the inherent changes (expected and unexpected) in this life.

Here are some actionable steps you can take to reconnect with the world around you:

Join a support group of any kind. Al-Anon, AA, Grief Groups, Cancer Support & Recovery, groups at your place of worship. Hearing others share their struggles and experiences remind us that others experience what we are experiencing. This decreases isolation and feelings of being alone. We are reminded our shared life experience connect us.
Volunteer in an area or with a population or cause you feel passionate about. When we are of service to others, we get out ourselves, out of our heads, out of the narrow world we get stuck in when we are living in fear. We are reminded of our responsibility to ourselves and our responsibility to other humans. Being of service is empowering and reminds us we are not powerless, and we are effective agents of healing in and change.
Make a phone call versus sending an email or text message. Have a conversation. Ask someone for an update on their life, and listen to what they have to say. Then, give them an update on your life. Allow them to listen. Tell them you miss them, appreciate them, care about them, or love them. Share how they have impacted your life. When is the last time you had a conversation like this?
List out all the people you love and care about. Then list out some individuals that you are struggling with – a coworker, family member, political figure, etc. Each day, spend some time going through this list. Holding each individual in your mind, sending feelings of love, warmth and protection to them. This is a version of a practice called Lovingkindness, a form of meditation I learned from the work of Sharon Salzburg. Here are some of the statements I use:
- May _________________ be free from suffering and the cause of all suffering.
- May __________________ be have ease of wellbeing.
- May ___________________ be protected and safe.
- May __________________ be happy.

Widening The Lens & Leaning Into Fear

Applying mindfulness when we experience fear ensures that fear does not shrink our world. It ensures we do not return to a child state. Fear belongs in our world, it is incredibly important to not ignore our fear, but it does not need to overtake our lives. Mindfulness of fear requires that we are both awake and open. Here are a few ways we can do this:

Notice fear as it presents in our bodies. As we reconnect with our physical bodies, we become aware of the one or two places we hold fear in our bodies. Many times, fear will be in our chest, heart area, throat, or jaw – but it can certainly extend to other places as well. Sometimes it helps to image the area in our body where we are feeling it the most, and ask what shape, size, color, temperature, and texture the physical sensation would be. Then we image the shape and all it’s qualities.
Take a few breaths.
Immediately recognize and name the fear. “Thisis fear.” Then follow up with a self compassion statement. “This feels hard, I am afraid of something. Fear is a natural part of being alive. Nothing is wrong with me. It’s safe to allow myself to feel this.”
Allow yourself to feel the fear fully; don’t push it away. Don’t be surprised if you notice grief or sadness surface. Anger or rage may surface. Allow it. Notice all of it throughout your body. Notice it in your breath. Let it wash over you. It won’t overtake you. Resisting fear is resisting life.

Tara Brach discusses a story about an individual (Eric) at one of the author’s retreats. This story beautifully illustrates how so many of us are feeling right now. Eric described a pattern that was bringing him deep emotional pain, and that was creating distance with his partner whom he loved intensely. When his partner, who struggled with deep depression, tried to share her feelings of hopelessness and despair, he would withdraw from her emotionally and physically. Instead of moving towards his partner, supporting her, nurturing her, this man would freeze. On the surface he stated “I just couldn’t relate to her, I can’t be in the trenches with her.” He identified feeling “numb” and “paralyzed.”

After further work, Eric was able to identify the origins of his response to his partner. Underneath this feeling of “otherness” and being numb, was a terror that if he went towards his partners feelings, he would drown. They would overtake him. The root of this terror was in the very difficult history that involved Eric witnessing his little brother drown when they were children. His whole life, Eric believed his brother drowned because he hadn’t been able to save him. After this horrific trauma, anytime Eric was faced with a situation he felt “powerless” to help, he just avoided. He didn’t even take the chance. He did so by numbing, disconnecting, and disengaging – even from the individual he loved the most in his life.

How many of us are handling the current situation in our country in the same way that Eric was handling his partner? While we may not have have experienced the exact trauma Eric experienced with his brother, we have all experienced pain of varying degrees. How many of us are terrified of drowning in our own fear, or the fear of others, and therefore avoid, detach, or disconnect? Say to ourselves “There is nothing I can do.” Many of us are here right now and we don’t even know it. We might even be in conversation with someone as they are sharing their fears and strong emotions, and completely disengage – even while appearing like we are fully engaged.

The only way through the fear and accompanying pain is leaning directly into it. We lean into the very things that we have spent a lifetime resisting. Leaning in allows us to be aware and free in the midst of our experience – whether it is a tightness in our chest, or a general anxiety. We pause, we notice our physical bodies, and we ask a simple question “What is happening right now?” We name it. “This is fear.” Then follow up with a self compassion statement. “This feels hard, I am afraid of something. Fear is a natural part of being alive. Nothing is wrong with me. It’s safe to allow myself to feel this.” We stay in our physical bodies, we don’t resist, we notice the stories or beliefs that might swirl around without judgement, and we apply self compassion.

A word of caution here. When we lean into our emotional and physical experience – including fear – we will naturally lean away from the behaviors our family and society told us would lead to happiness, success, prestige, productivity – but secretly were cutting us of from ourselves and others. There will be significant discomfort as we separate from these lifelong patterns, even if we dip out for only brief periods. Know this discomfort is to be expected, it is temporary, and if we remain willing to make small changes – there will be tremendous growth. It is no different than pushing our muscles to a point where they tear microscopically to so they can repair, rebuild stronger, leading to more muscle growth.

Those of us who have more severe trauma in our backgrounds may have more difficulty leaning into the fear. Many literally feel like they will die from fear as they get closer to it. This is completely understandable, but it doesn’t mean you can’t move past this. Don’t try to do this alone. Work with a therapist trained in the treatment of trauma. They will nurture you, guide you, and teach you important skills and resources to assist you as you learn to move towards the fear. Tara Brach mentions the importance of medications for some folks on this journey of healing – especially those with more severe and prolonged histories of trauma, and more intense symptoms of depression and anxiety. Medications like Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) can be incredibly useful tools that take the edge off of symptoms that can paralyze us. When used at proper doses, these medications do not numb or anesthetize. We can still feel emotions, but these medications provide a necessary buffer often necessary for the dark work involved with excavation. When we go exploring in dark caves, it is intelligent to journey with multiple sources of light.

The Gifts of Fear

Our country is descending into a dark, dark period – and we may not emerge from this for a very long time. Many of us are afraid, and for very good reason. Instead of doing what we have always done – as individuals – and as a country – avoid, anesthetize, deny, blame, deflect, “other”, fight, suppress, oppress, attack – we can make a choice to stop. Take our hands off the controls. Open our hearts and minds to new ways of thinking, being, and and doing. We allow the fear to stop us dead in our tracks. We allow the fear to halt the compulsive stimulation, achieving, and doing most us have been programmed to live in our entire lives. The rules and constrictions we have put on ourselves can burn away. We reconnect to ourselves and to those around us. We expand. As Tara Brach beautifully states:

“If we resist or push it aside, we miss a powerful opportunity for awakening . . . If we are waiting only for our fear to end, we will not discover the pure and loving presence that unfolds as we surrender into the darkest of nights. Only by letting go into the stream of life and loss and death do we come into this freedom” (p.185).

Let us move towards our fear; let us shed that which needs to die and has needed to for a long time. Let us see clearly that which we have not been able to see. Let us remain in a state of wise action, and remember we are not powerless. May this courageous process fuel a more authentic engagement with ourselves, our communities, and our country and remind every one of us that love is here if do the courageous work of opening ourselves to it.

For Healing This Week:

Questions to reflect on (consider journaling about these):

How did my attachment figures express fear in our home growing up?
What kind of messages did I get from my attachment figures regarding fear?
What kind of messages did I get from spiritual or religious beliefs regarding fear?
As a child, how did I view fear? As an adult, how do I view fear.
When I was a child how did I recognize and process fear?
As an adult, how do I recognize and process fear?
When I am with a close friend, and they are expressing fear, how am I present for them? What happens in my mind, emotions, physical body when I am in the presence of someone experiencing debilitating fear? Is it difficult for me to stay present and connected? Does it feel natural?
When I am feeling intense fear, do I tend to deal with this alone or am I someone who readily shares my fears with others? If I deal with this alone, what is this experience like? Where does this tendency to take this on solo come from? If I am someone who readily shares my fear, how does it feel to allow someone into my world in this way? Where did I learn to allow someone in like this?
When I am in fear, where do I feel it in my physical body?
When my children are afraid, how do I nurture and soothe them? What is it like to be in the presence of my child when they are in intense fear about something they do not have control over?
In what ways to do I avoid or anesthetize my fears? What are the consequences of my tendency to avoid and anesthetize my fears?
When afraid, do I tend to lash out at myself or others? After I lash out, how do I experience this in my body in mind? Do I feel shame, anger, embarrassment, isolation?