What is the adaptive child?
Part of the personality that formed in response to early life experiences, particularly in the family of origin. This part developed survival strategies to cope with difficult or painful situations during childhood. These strategies might have been necessary and effective at the time, helping us to navigate a challenging environment. The Adaptive Child is an immature version of an adult that can be rigid, unforgiving, and impulsive, creating barriers to intimacy and connection, and many other problems as an adult.
What is the wise adult?
The present, mature, and thoughtful part of your personality that can respond to situations with calm and reasoned judgment, rather than knee-jerk reactions. Unlike the Adaptive Child, the Wise Adult operates from a place of self-awareness and conscious choice.
What do these concepts have to do with politics & mental health?
- When observing a political actor being rigid, harsh, relentless, and seeing the world and others in a very black and white perspective – this is our signal that they are operating out of an adaptive child part. If an adult is operating from an adaptive child part they are wounded in some way – and they were likely wounded at a young age. Recognizing a political actor is operating out an adaptive child part does not excuse harmful behavior – ever. But it can aid us in seeing the humanity in this individual, and we may even be able to relate because of our woundedness. When we are at a point where we can stop, introspect, and see the humanity in the person who is engaging in behaviors that are threatening, unfair, etc. we can be confident we are operating in the intelligent brain. Operating in the intelligent brain is when we can see situations with more clarity. This is when we can evaluate options, recognize our choices, and identify effective next steps.
- When observing ourselves being rigid, relentless, harsh, our physical body is tense, and we are looking at a situation in black and white – we can get curious and try to understand if we are operating in an adaptive child state. We get curious by applying radical acceptance. Notice the emotion we are experiencing, welcome it, allow it to move through us without pushing it away, avoiding, or repressing. We notice our physical bodies, maybe by engaging in a body scan. We notice our minds. Are our thoughts going a million miles a minute? What narratives are occurring? Just notice it without judgement, and with unconditional friendliness. Now we can understand if we are operating in an adaptive child state. If the answer is yes, what was occurring that we felt threatened by? Are we revering back to old patterns we used to adapt to what was occurring in our family of origin? Are we just under incredibly high levels of stress? What do we need to do to signal safety to our bodies and our brains? What do we need to do to nurture the adaptive child and remind them they are safe and we are now adults? Is now a good time to practice self compassion? Physical grounding techniques? These are wonderful questions to process with a therapist, but some good possible starting points may be found here.
Website: https://terryreal.com/articles/live-a-non-violent-life/.
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